I am an apostate. I abandoned a faith I held dear for more than half of my life at the time.

I was a leader among those who followed this faith. I mentored plenty of people and dabbled some in organizational leadership. I was the friend of many covens and solitaries alike. I taught classes, read Tarot and performed other divination techniques, attended community events, and did my best to show everyone what my faith was about. I wanted the world to believe I was good, that my faith was good.

Truth is, I was dead inside; my soul in chains. I wanted to hide the dysfunction, the power struggles, or the drama frequently accompanying my chosen faith. It was very much an “every-man for himself” sort of community. The underlying culture contained anger, misery, and desperation. Darkness consumed me, everyday.  Hope was difficult to believe in.

I left my faith for something better. I found hope and  freedom in the places I once cursed. I’m alive inside after escaping hell.

My name is H M Cook, and I am a pagan apostate.

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