I’ve recently completed a step study with Celebrate Recovery. It was a difficult process and I considered quitting numerous times but I hung in there. If it weren’t for the other wonderful ladies in my group, I never would have made it. They are and will always be very dear to my heart.
I had trouble with so many questions during my step study and the personal inventory was extremely painful but I got through it. However, the one question I found to be the most poignant went something like “What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t fail?”
The question seemed to conjure a great deal of anxiety and I had no idea how to answer it. I didn’t understand why the question made me so uncomfortable. What was wrong with me?
I began to understand something, I wasn’t afraid of failure. Failing at anything was easy and I was comfortable with it. I knew failure.
As for Success? I had no idea what that would look like. I couldn’t predict it, I couldn’t protect myself from it. Would success change me? Where would it take me? It was uncharted territory – an uncertainty that still makes me uncomfortable. I was, and still am, afraid of success.
Does that even make sense? Doesn’t everybody want to be successful? Do I want to be successful?
I guess it’s more about what I want to be successful at and I want others to have the freedom I’ve found through Jesus Christ.
It’s time to get out of the boat and onto the water with Him.