Fear of Failure or Success?

I’ve recently completed a step study with Celebrate Recovery. It was a difficult process and I considered quitting numerous times but I hung in there. If it weren’t for the other wonderful ladies in my group, I never would have made it. They are and will always be very dear to my heart.

I had trouble with so many questions during my step study and the personal inventory was extremely painful but I got through it. However, the one question I found to be the most poignant went something like “What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t fail?”

The question seemed to conjure a great deal of anxiety and I had no idea how to answer it. I didn’t understand why the question made me so uncomfortable. What was wrong with me?

I began to understand something, I wasn’t afraid of failure. Failing at anything was easy and I was comfortable with it. I knew failure.

As for Success? I had no idea what that would look like. I couldn’t predict it, I couldn’t protect myself from it. Would success change me? Where would it take me? It was uncharted territory – an uncertainty that still makes me uncomfortable. I was, and still am, afraid of success.

Does that even make sense? Doesn’t everybody want to be successful? Do I want to be successful?

I guess it’s more about what I want to be successful at and I want others to have the freedom I’ve found through Jesus Christ.

It’s time to get out of the boat and onto the water with Him.


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